Attachment Parenting
8:29 AM Posted In mommyhood Edit This 0 Comments »
So I want to say... the first piece of advice I give any friend who is pregnant or wants to be... Follow your Instincts. *YOU* know your baby better then any well wisher be they inlaw, friend, grandparent, book, or some wacko off the street who thinks they are a better parent then you. Once I decided to follow that philosophy life was better at home. I kept trying to get DS to 'conform' to what the books and my friends said he should be like. DS is an individual with his own personality. Sure he is a clingy mommas boy right now, but that won't last forever. And honestly, how many parents wish they held their children LESS when they are all grown up? They are only so little and dependant on you for such a short time, why force them to grow up faster?
My first biggest beef was with breastfeeding. Now I am an avid lactating mommy but it was not easy to get to the comfortable spot I am in. When I first started with DS I really didnt know anyone who breastfed. My mom didnt, my MIL didnt, really didnt have many friends with kids and the ones who did weren't lactating mommas. So I was kinda doing it without a whole lotta support. When we finally hit the 8week mark it was no longer painful and hard, it began a whole new set of bonding that I do miss with DS. However, since DS was clingy from the getgo (I think he had some medical problems to do with GERD. The Ped didnt believe me but looking back I really think that was half the problem) folks said it was because I was breastfeeding and holding him too much. I am sorry but I feel that breastmilk is the best food for a growing baby, although some can't do what I did it was just the right fit for our family. after I started ignoring those comments I became comfortable in a natural process and no longer got antsy and tried to find a place to hide to feed my son.
At 6 months folks said, okay he is starting solids, time to wean him. I said no way. Not only did I love the experience, it was comforting to both of us when he got sick, or hurt himself. Sure he had to eat more often then a formula baby, but I also got to cuddle him while I slept. Of course snotty comments would follow about me coddling and spoiling, and how he'd never sleep through the night. Once more, ignored!
10 months and DS started sleeping through the night. We had to take a rougher approach then most attachment parents because of the fact I was losing my mind. DS wasn't happy if I was home and he wasnt occupying my entire attention. And he was starting to get too heavy to carry around in his Moby wrap all day. 3 days of sleeping on the floor in his bedroom finally saw him sleeping through the night without needing to cuddle in bed with his parents. A milestone that folks said would never happen because I held him too much and I nursed him too much... What is with all the 'too much' when there are so many kids out there with 'too little' be it affection, food, shelter etc.
Then a year came along and the same thing started. Heck I would get people completely shocked that I was still nursing at a year. When did breastfeeding become everyone's business anyway? DS wasnt ready to wean, I wasn't ready to wean, so we didnt.
At 18 months I stopped BF around people, was too tired of the stinkeye and the negative comments. Neither of us were ready to wean and DS nursed more for comfort then nutrition. Of course no one seems to remember that it is recommended to nurse for 2 years. Of course about that time I was pregnant with DD. And while some folks tandem nurse a toddler and a newborn I knew that wasnt going to be for me. And if I ended up with another one like DS that would be simply torture. So at 20 months, 2 months before DD was due, I weaned him. We did it gradually, I didnt make him and I quit cold turkey. It wasnt easy, but it wasnt impossible. It helped to remind DS that now he could eat chickies and pasta and fruits... and lots of other yummy stuff. He only asked to nurse once after DD was born, and I let him try, but he lost interest right away. See, they all grow up eventually =)
Now with DD, since she is so much easier then DS was... I am not getting the negative feedback... even though I am not doing anything different for DD. I hold her a lot, I nurse her, I sleep with her by my side. She used to sleep all night with DH and me, but she much prefers her space when she sleeps. Sure she doesnt need me as much as DS did, but I am grateful since DS is still a clingy boy and loves his momma above all else. Folks just need to remember, DH included, that kids arent copies, they are unique manuscripts with their own personalities, their own ways of doing things and my mantra, something a friend from WoW told me...
This too shall pass.
My first biggest beef was with breastfeeding. Now I am an avid lactating mommy but it was not easy to get to the comfortable spot I am in. When I first started with DS I really didnt know anyone who breastfed. My mom didnt, my MIL didnt, really didnt have many friends with kids and the ones who did weren't lactating mommas. So I was kinda doing it without a whole lotta support. When we finally hit the 8week mark it was no longer painful and hard, it began a whole new set of bonding that I do miss with DS. However, since DS was clingy from the getgo (I think he had some medical problems to do with GERD. The Ped didnt believe me but looking back I really think that was half the problem) folks said it was because I was breastfeeding and holding him too much. I am sorry but I feel that breastmilk is the best food for a growing baby, although some can't do what I did it was just the right fit for our family. after I started ignoring those comments I became comfortable in a natural process and no longer got antsy and tried to find a place to hide to feed my son.
At 6 months folks said, okay he is starting solids, time to wean him. I said no way. Not only did I love the experience, it was comforting to both of us when he got sick, or hurt himself. Sure he had to eat more often then a formula baby, but I also got to cuddle him while I slept. Of course snotty comments would follow about me coddling and spoiling, and how he'd never sleep through the night. Once more, ignored!
10 months and DS started sleeping through the night. We had to take a rougher approach then most attachment parents because of the fact I was losing my mind. DS wasn't happy if I was home and he wasnt occupying my entire attention. And he was starting to get too heavy to carry around in his Moby wrap all day. 3 days of sleeping on the floor in his bedroom finally saw him sleeping through the night without needing to cuddle in bed with his parents. A milestone that folks said would never happen because I held him too much and I nursed him too much... What is with all the 'too much' when there are so many kids out there with 'too little' be it affection, food, shelter etc.
Then a year came along and the same thing started. Heck I would get people completely shocked that I was still nursing at a year. When did breastfeeding become everyone's business anyway? DS wasnt ready to wean, I wasn't ready to wean, so we didnt.
At 18 months I stopped BF around people, was too tired of the stinkeye and the negative comments. Neither of us were ready to wean and DS nursed more for comfort then nutrition. Of course no one seems to remember that it is recommended to nurse for 2 years. Of course about that time I was pregnant with DD. And while some folks tandem nurse a toddler and a newborn I knew that wasnt going to be for me. And if I ended up with another one like DS that would be simply torture. So at 20 months, 2 months before DD was due, I weaned him. We did it gradually, I didnt make him and I quit cold turkey. It wasnt easy, but it wasnt impossible. It helped to remind DS that now he could eat chickies and pasta and fruits... and lots of other yummy stuff. He only asked to nurse once after DD was born, and I let him try, but he lost interest right away. See, they all grow up eventually =)
Now with DD, since she is so much easier then DS was... I am not getting the negative feedback... even though I am not doing anything different for DD. I hold her a lot, I nurse her, I sleep with her by my side. She used to sleep all night with DH and me, but she much prefers her space when she sleeps. Sure she doesnt need me as much as DS did, but I am grateful since DS is still a clingy boy and loves his momma above all else. Folks just need to remember, DH included, that kids arent copies, they are unique manuscripts with their own personalities, their own ways of doing things and my mantra, something a friend from WoW told me...
This too shall pass.
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